ATHLETIC DEPARTMENT: WEEKEND INDIAN SPORTS REPORT

BASEBALL:

INDIAN IN THE WORLD SERIES:

The Boston Red Sox named Jacoby Ellsbury as their starting center fielder for games 1 and 2 of the World Series. Ellsbury, enrolled with the Colorado River Indian Tribes/Navajo, has one hit in 7 at bats. He has scored a run, and he has 1 RBI for those two games in which the Red Sox beat the Colorado Rockies. The series returns to Colorado for 3 scheduled games on Saturday, Sunday, and if necessary, Monday. Honor Indians Institute Athletic Department predicts Ellsbury will soon be wearing some World Series jewelry.

INDIANS NOT IN THE WORLD SERIES:

The Cleveland Indians still have not contacted the Penobscot Tribe about retiring the racist Chief Wahoo mascot, seven years and counting. This would be a good weekend to give them a call since you will not be working.

INDIAN MASCOT COLLEGE FOOTBALL: Our predictions

TEAM vs.                                         TEAM                                             Prediction

Central Michigan Chippewas          Kent State                                  41-7 Kent State

Utah Utes                                      Colorado State                          28-7 Co. State

Florida State Seminoles              Duke                                             14-7 Duke

North Dakota Fighting Sioux         Minn-Duluth                              21-7 Minn-Duluth

Illinois Fighting Illini                      Ball State                                      35-7 Ball State

Indian mascot schools are all losers.

INDIAN MASCOT PRO FOOTBALL: Our predictions

TEAM vs.                                         TEAM                                          Prediction

Kansas City Chiefs                          Bye                                             41-7 Bye

Washington R-words                  New England                             49-7 New England

Indian mascot professional teams are all losers.

INDIAN MASCOT HOCKEY: Our predictions

We really don’t care, but Indian mascot hockey teams are losers.

MASCOT NEWS:

BREAKING NEWS: The University of North Dakota Fighting Sioux and the NCAA announced today that they have agreed to settle their mascot lawsuit. Under the terms of the deal, The Fighting Sioux will have three years to woo, court, or bribe a Sioux tribe into agreeing to allow North Dakota to use the “Fighting Sioux” mascot. The University will be allowed to use the mascot during the 3 year period. If the University is unable to convince a Sioux tribe to agree, the mascot will be retired.

TO THE SIOUX TRIBES OF NORTH DAKOTA: A word of caution, remember what happened the last time white men came bearing gifts and making promises and asking you to sign a paper!!!

TO THE UNIVERSITY OF NORTH DAKOTA: If you are unable to buy or persuade a Sioux Tribe to consent to the deal, Honor Indians Institute is ready, willing and able to negotiate a licensing deal for the Honor Indians Institute’s “Fighting Sue” mascot. The University has already spent close to a MILLION dollars just on attorney fees bringing this lawsuit. SO, we know where the bidding begins.

NEW “WOULD YOU BE HONORED” MASCOT INTRODUCED:

Honor Indians Institute would like to introduce a new “Would You Be Honored” mascot. We previously introduced the Cleveland Negroes and the Washington Blackskins. Now, we offer the Los Angeles I.C.E. Dodgers.

To Latino ballplayers: Would you be honored?